There is a ton of literature that tells people what leadership is about and how you can become or be a better leader. But what if I said that the most important lesson on leadership can be learned from a horse?
For those of you who have had some experience being around horses, you probably know that horses are wise mentors. They sense and respond to a person’s intentions, emotions, and thoughts that…
They sense and respond to a person’s intentions, emotions, and thoughts that are conveyed subconsciously through body language. So when you practice communication with a horse, you know you can’t fool them.
When I entered the arena for the first time, I felt a hint of anxiety as I saw Bonnie–this beautiful, graceful and a very large creature walking straight up to me. My first reaction was to stroke her on her neck and say hi. I continued with the niceties until I was told that Bonnie can’t really understand what I was saying. I knew that, of course, but I was a little shocked and disappointed when I learned that Bonnie won’t even respond to my polite tone of voice and my genuine concern and empathy for her. My instructor asked me to start leading Bonnie in a direction I wanted to go. I started walking but Bonnie didn’t move. A nudge turned into a slight pull and eventually she started to walk. I felt a short-lived sense of accomplishment but that lasted only a few seconds. She reached the rim of the arena and stopped walking as she started nibbling on some grass near by. Clearly my leadership tactics were not working. Thereafter, we kept walking at Bonnie’s pace. She stopped, I stopped. She walked, I walked. Soon enough I started to realize, that not only had she started to lead me instead, she even managed to corner me and place me in a really vulnerable position. This was not going really well.
Here is when I paused. I was frustrated, even a bit disappointed. Despite me being nice to her, Bonnie didn’t really seem to care a lot and hardly even acknowledged my presence. It was at this point, that I was asked to internalize a few questions —
“How and why was it important to me to be the leader in this situation?”
“What did I take for granted about this relationship and how can I change my approach so I can get past those assumptions and actually make a true connection?”
“What will make this connection a mutually respectable one?”
These questions and their answers were all in my head. I wasn’t vocalizing any of this, but the only visible form of expression as the internalization took place were these tears of wonder, gratitude and realization that puddled into my eyes. With an honest heart, I looked at Bonnie and just thought of this life-altering moment. At that very instant, I knew what I wanted and started walking with determination. Sure enough, Bonnie finally took my lead. We walked a while side-by-side in total silence but there was this unsaid understanding. I wasn’t talking but we were finally communicating. As I handed the harness back to the instructor, I knew I was leaving that arena with a full heart and a lesson I will never forget.
With an honest heart, I looked at Bonnie and just thought of this life-altering moment. I knew what I wanted and with determination, I started walking. Sure enough, Bonnie finally took my lead.
Leadership is a lot about empathy — It’s about listening. But more importantly it is about listening to yourself. There is no relationship as true and honest as the relationship we have with ourselves. And in order to lead well, we must be at peace with ourselves first.
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